Growing Pains

In a world where self-employment is becoming the aspiring and shiny new form of employment, many don't talk about the growing pains during the big transition. For some, success truly is born overnight, especially with the microscopic lens over social media. If your work is discovered by the influential eye and publicized, you're a shoe-in. But for most of us, it's a long, drawn-out, grueling process where a single day's gauge of success is simply getting yourself out of bed and on your own two feet.

When you're knee deep in a layer of muck and self-doubt and not yet paying yourself because any money that is coming in is paying off your maxed out credit card, bills, groceries and rent...then the silver lining may be incredibly hard to find.

Your ego will get thrown around in the mud, tampered with and made to feel small and incapable.

Your relationship with yourself will feel like the hardest one to maintain; the mind often flooded with negative self-talk, insecurities, fears and doubts.

Your nervous system will take quite a hit. Throw your hormones in that mix, too. You'll spend any money you can salvage on holistic remedies to help you feel better and therefore practice what you preach. (The acupuncture does work, though.)

You'll acquire severe guilt that your financial circumstances won't allow you to travel as you once did, or to visit important people and celebrate important occasions.

Routines will be hard to maintain, and even so, they will take a lot of work and diligence to get just right.

You'll constantly feel like you're not doing enough, but ironically feel depleted and tired all the time.  

Extreme highs will likely be followed by extreme lows. The vicious cycle of (temporary) instability, again and again.

You'll find it hard to ask for or receive help, mostly because we've been programmed to believe that help is a sign of weakness. But you'll need it. Financially, emotionally, and so on.

Your social circle will get drastically smaller. You'll spend more time with less, but mostly more time with yourself. Introverted will become a part of your fancy new vocabulary. 

You'll feel selfish with your time and worry that's what you're projecting, when the intention isn't so. You'll need the solitude.

Trust me, you will. 

You'll hide behind your feelings in an effort to appear confident and okay, realizing that maybe you could have been more successful as an actor. (Maybe in another life.)

Then you'll remind yourself that you chose this. That this was all your doing, every bit of it.

And as though the universe will finally feel your growing pains, a veil will be lifted and abundance will flow.

The first client will come. And then another. And another.

Your voice will finally be heard.

Your work will be acknowledged as necessary and important.

People will value your ideas and desire your input. Creative pursuits and collaborative endeavors will spread like wildfire. Synchronistic moments will be magnified.

You'll remember what it's like to breathe again.

To truly breathe again.

If at least for a moment, there it is, another small victory in the grand scheme of things.

A reminder that this is temporary. That this isn't how it's always going to be.

The joy and the pain. The comfort and the discomfort, simultaneously intertwined. 

These are just growing pains.