Figuring It Out
Today, there's no fluff. We're going to get right to it.
In my Integrative Nutrition program with IIN, they encourage you to ask your clients, "what's new and good?" I had a one-on-one with myself this morning, so here goes. (Note: more breakfasts in bed)
Well, I just left my full time job, I'm teaching yoga a few days a week, I'm constantly working on and fine-tuning a deeply rooted health issue, I'm on my way towards becoming a holistic health coach (although, playing a bit of catch up), taking time to create my vision and establish self-fulfilling goals, resting as much as I hustle, dancing this dance of fear of the unknown mixed with out-loud declarations of fuck yes you've got this, creating meaningful friendships & relationships while trying to meditate every day, trying to practice my Tibetans every day, trying to write more, trying to get better sleep. Trying, doing, learning, repeat.
Waking up to the sun without an alarm. Creating new rituals, a new routine (or rather, non-routine) and balancing the self-induced hustle with days of pure rest. Expending energy when I feel the creative spark and nesting when I need to re-connect with myself and enjoy a mental health day, so that I can be of better service to myself, to others and to the universe.
Saying yes to opportunities that are aligned with my path and politely, but firmly declining those that I feel will veer me off course. Doing the dance and learning as I go.
"But how are you going to support yourself? What are you going to do for income?" How, why, etc, etc?"
I'm figuring it out, I say. That's why I am exactly where I am. Because when you invest your creative energy into your personal passions, there's a natural flow of successes and small victories that amount themselves to bigger things along the way.
I've been given (or rather gifted) certain situations along my path that have been excruciatingly tough to deal with and work through, as many of us have, but it's through that work and the learnings and understandings of myself and my needs that has opened my eyes to a greater purpose and reason for how I choose to live.
I met a woman this past weekend who recently moved to Richmond from California and I asked her what brought her here. She kindly responded, "I'm done with answering that. I'm just here." I respected that about her and realized the repetitiveness in the times that I've felt like I needed to explain myself. Now, too, am I done, or trying-to-be done with certain things.
I'm done with the excuses, to myself and to others. Especially the being too busy excuse. I'm picky with my time and what I choose to do or not to do, because I freely give myself permission.
I'm done using the word perfect (or at least catching myself when I do) and instead seek authenticity and real, raw moments.
I'm done explaining to people why I choose to be mostly vegan, where I get my protein from, or how I live without dairy and cheese in my life. (It's possible, I promise.)
I'm done with bandaid approaches, even if they are the "easy and quick way out."
I'm done saying sorry, unless I truly mean it. Not because we both happened to step into each other's paths when turning a sharp corner. (Thank you, Lena Dunham)
I'm done with thinking my sensitivity is a weakness. It's not; it makes me who I am.
In all of this trying, doing, learning, repeat...there will be much more instances of the trying component. Some things that will result in failure (or what I'm going to call a misstep), and some of which will ignite a spark that will create a flame and set fire to amazing, successful things that become the doings and the learnings.
I'll continue to learn. I'll continue to find things to be done with so that I can create space for more purposeful things to do. I'll continue to practice patience, gratitude and kindness towards myself and others. I'll continue listening to the nudges, the quiet ones and the loud ones. I'll continue not settling and welcoming change if it's meant to keep me on my path. I'll continue working on myself, finding my voice, being vulnerable and sharing my experiences and learnings in hopes to help others along the way. I'll continue being not perfect and appreciating my imperfections for what they are and how they shape me.
My sweet friend Andy nailed it when she wrote this piece: to live is to be vulnerable.
"To live is to be vulnerable and to find the courage to be imperfect and authentic. With the pressures of the world swirling violently around us, it takes courage to follow the path you feel is truly right for you. There are many roadblocks, many who will doubt you and many, many instances when following your heart will be much harder than following the crowd. And in the midst of wanting to be accepted, connect with others, succeed in your job and your relationships, being vulnerable is terrifying. But it’s necessary.
There is no true connection without authenticity, no compassion for others without first being kind to yourself. Keep going. Keep opening. Keep looking within and find the courage to expose your deepest self to others. Be real. Be true. Be yourself. Be vulnerable. And let others do the same."
Courage, dear heart. You've done so much, and are making room for so much more.
Me and you, and all of us.
What's new and good? A lot more than you think. Dig deep, do the work and stay grateful every. single. day.
Love and gratitude and a whole lot of fuck yes.